Too many adjectives in the marketing copy

modx is a free, fast and flexible, ajax and seo content management system.

This is just an example, although a pretty extreme one, of the very verbose marketing content on the new modx website. As a professional content writer, a professional SEO, and an avid modx user, I find it all a bit corny - sorry guys.

Anyway, can’t wait for the revolution beta!

But it’s also very accurate, no?

Quote from: towerofbabel at Apr 27, 2009, 07:25 AM

modx is a free, fast and flexible, ajax and seo content management system.

I’m not crazy about ajax and SEO as adjectives.

Just a thought (I’m not awake yet, so this needs a little tweaking):

MODx is a free, fast and flexible content management system that takes full advantage of ajax for speed and convenience and allows complete control of SEO issues.

Google the following phrases to see if it sheds light on the word choice:

seo cms
seo content management system
ajax cms
ajax content management system

That said, we’re open to better phrasing for sure! When we get a few more tweaks to the baseline content done (more ReleaseMe improvments for the Extras section, additional RSS feeds, Made in MODx on auto-pilot) we’ll start revisiting copy more thoroughly for sure.

Quote from: rthrash at Apr 27, 2009, 09:14 AM

Google the following phrases to see if it sheds light on the word choice:

seo cms
seo content management system
ajax cms
ajax content management system

That said, we’re open to better phrasing for sure! When we get a few more tweaks to the baseline content done (more ReleaseMe improvments for the Extras section, additional RSS feeds, Made in MODx on auto-pilot) we’ll start revisiting copy more thoroughly for sure.

Of course, I am an SEO, I understand 

But still, what I am talking about is not specifically linked to those rankings to be honest - 5 adjectives on a single noun in a single sentence? I don’t know, it gives me a headache reading it - feels like ajax and seo are just chucked in there for word pornage- there are lots of other examples, but this comes across most strongly, as the leading sentence of the home page.

Quote from: rthrash at Apr 27, 2009, 09:14 AM

Google the following phrases to see if it sheds light on the word choice:

seo cms
seo content management system
ajax cms
ajax content management system

I’m familiar with the usage. I just don’t like it.

First of all, it’s ambiguous. It could a system for managing ajax content or a content managment system for managing your ajaxes (I have a herd of them out back and they do get pretty unruly). It’s also kind of lazy in that it makes no attempt to tell the reader who’s not completely familiar with the terms ajax and SEO what the point is. Don’t forget that there are *many* potential MODx users who may not be completely familiar with either of those terms and who will just be put off by the (to them) incomprehensible jargon.

That said, the OP’s point is still a good one. More than three adjectives on the same noun in one sentence is likely to do more harm than good, IMHO.

Quote from: BobRay at Apr 27, 2009, 10:37 PM

Quote from: rthrash at Apr 27, 2009, 09:14 AM

Google the following phrases to see if it sheds light on the word choice:

seo cms
seo content management system
ajax cms
ajax content management system

I’m familiar with the usage. I just don’t like it.

First of all, it’s ambiguous. It could a system for managing ajax content or a content managment system for managing your ajaxes (I have a herd of them out back and they do get pretty unruly). It’s also kind of lazy in that it makes no attempt to tell the reader who’s not completely familiar with the terms ajax and SEO what the point is. Don’t forget that there are *many* potential MODx users who may not be completely familiar with either of those terms and who will just be put off by the (to them) incomprehensible jargon.

That said, the OP’s point is still a good one. More than three adjectives on the same noun in one sentence is likely to do more harm than good, IMHO.

Yes Bob, your points here are spot on. I didn’t even raise the issue (yet) of parallel structure, where items in a list are equivalent... but yes, is an Ajax CMS equivalen to a Flash CMS? Will a(n) SEO CMS manage your SEO?

Languate weenie issues aside, I do understand that sometimes principles have to be ignored due to space and design considerations in advertising copy.

I too would drop the ’ajax’ and ’seo’ adjectives. I’ve never really understood why MODx is described that way. The copy does seem to be trying to jam in buzzwords at the expense of readability. For a title, it’s too wordy to grab the eye and scan. The whole text block below could also be rethought.

On the other hand, I’m not volunteering, so...

"ajax cms" and "seo cms" drives search traffic. For people looking for those solutions it’s actually important to be able to be found.