My pops just sent these. Thought someone could use a laugh. (Oh crap, am I driving?)
1. An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: ‘They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the Accelerator!’ she cried. The dispatcher said, ‘Stay calm. An officer is on the way.’ A few minutes later, the officer radios in. ’Disregard,’ he says. ’She got in the back-seat by mistake.’
2. Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, ’Was I getting in or out of the bath?’ The 94-year-old yells back, ’I don’t know. I’ll Come up and see.’ She starts up the stairs and pauses, ’Was I going up the stairs or down?’ The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, ’I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.’ She then yells, ’I’ll Com e up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.’
3. Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ ’No,’ the second man replied, ‘it’s Thursday.’ And the third man chimed in, ’So am I. Let’s have a drink.
4. Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ’Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name! Please tell me what your name is. Her friend glared at her and finally she said, ’How soon do you need to know?’
5. As a senior citizen drove down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, ’Ernie, I just heard
on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be
careful! Heck,’ said Ernie, ‘It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!’
6. Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, ’I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light .So, she turned to the other woman and said, ’Mildred, did you know that we just ran through a red light? You could have killed us both!’ Mildred turned to her and said, ’Oh, crap, am I driving?’
