Microsoft banter (Stephen Colbert style)

A co-worker sent me a link to an article that briefly describes the upgrade paths for Windows Vista:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/08/02/windows_vista_upgrades/

We’ve been talking back and forth alot about Vista as well as the possibilities for the upcoming version of OS X. I’ve been a long-term Microsoft user for over 10 years now. My decision to switch to a Mac with the Mac Pro’s come out is something I can have some fun with. So...I did what any other hardcore, misinformed Microsoft user would do...I ranted:

I love Microsoft! I love them so much that I want to quit my job and go work for them! I want to kiss the ground that Bill Gates walks on! And when Bill goes away, I want to have Steve Ballmer bend over so I can kiss his ass too! Linux sucks! Why would anyone use an OS that is derived from the name of its originating developer? How stupid is that? What if Jesus was the one who created it? Would it be named Jesux? I think not! And Apple sucks too! The Beatles have had the name Apple for a long time! All this while we thought Bill Gates was the one who ripped off Apple when it was the other way around! OS X is nothing more than FreeBSD with a pretty interface on top of it. That’s pretty much like wrapping a GUI around DOS! Mark David Chapman didn’t shoot Lennon! It was Steve Jobs dressed up like Chapman! And why does their logo have a bite out of it? I don’t want something that someone else has already eaten! And all Windows users should drive Hummers! Screw those gas-sipping hybrids! Everyone should yield to me on the road or get ran over...especially those Kia-loving Apple drivers! And although I like the name Vista, I wish Microsoft would change it to Doors. I like doors...they’re more secure than windows. But I won’t cry if there is no such thing as Microsoft Doors. Long live Windows, the king of operating systems! Coded with an attitude!

Jeff