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OK ended up doing it a fairly unique way... for those who are interested...
I added a new option element to all the optional option fields with the value "notrelevant" - I then in jQuery, when i changed the view status of these fields to be in view, I removed that "notrelevant" option from the select field. So, with formit validate:required set on all fields it now works, as each optional select field starts with the value "notrelevant" so passes the required validation test, and when the user opts to view the optional select form fields, jquery removes the unwanted "notrelevant" option for us...